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The Prayer Waltz: Practicing the Presence of God

Writer's picture: Jennifer KellyJennifer Kelly



"Does prayer work or doesn't it? Is it right for me to ask God for particular outcomes, when God alone knows what is right? Are words necessary at all? The only way to answer such questions is to engage a long-term habit of prayer. The virtue of such practice is that the questions change as the practice deepens, and no two people travel the exact same route." - Barbara Brown Taylor

At 5:00 in the morning, the world is still slumbering as I cautiously make my way downstairs. I'm one of those early birds who rise before dawn, occasionally without needing an alarm.


The stairs groan and creak a million times louder when everyone else is sound asleep. It's as if they're judging me... it's too early, go back to bed. So, I attempt a half Viennese Waltz, avoiding the spots where I've learned the wood is loudest. I imagine I'm as light as a feather until the floor grates with frustration. Waking up the house so early always leaves me silently apologizing to everything around me, especially the cats and the dog. Any noise echoes in stereo when it's completely silent.

 

I switch on the light next to my corner spot on the sofa.

The light cuts through the dark like the most rude kind of interruption.

It is blinding at first. I blink a couple of times and wait for the cornea of my eyes to adjust. For a few painful moments, I want to go back to bed, under the luring warmth and comfort of my bed. But thankfully, my desire for God and growth outweighs sleeping in, at least for today.

 

I grab my Bible, journal, phone, pen, and whatever book I’m reading and set it down next to my corner spot on the sofa. I walk to the kitchen and press “BREW NOW”. The button on the coffee pot is in all caps somehow transferring the importance and immediacy of its job. Listening to the coffee gurgle and drip into the pot. I’m like a dog, and this habit is like some sort of Pavlovian conditioning. The coffee brewer is not fast enough, and I am salivating before my first cup.

 

I head back to my corner spot on the couch and curl up. I grab my blanket and settle in. This is necessary. I want to be as focused and as comfortable as possible. Also, I’m cold. It’s a mix of sensory feelings and also the safest place I could ever be in the world, where it’s just me and God and God and me at 5 am.

 

It’s so quiet.

 

I grab my phone and rush to access The Pause App before I spot anything else vying for my attention. You know, because there are bank apps and news apps and social media things and game notifications that can distract you at all hours of the day, especially first thing in the morning. I press play.

 

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

 

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

 

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

 

The guided voice and mountain scenes are tranquil. There is Scripture and words that remind me that I am made to be in union with God. But then my mind thinks about the dream I had last night, or the kid we have to pick up from rehearsal at 7:00 pm, or the cat that looks so adorable cuddled next to me, enjoying her rest while I am awake. The voice comes back and brings my mind back into focus. Try again, Jen. There is no better place for me to be. Focus. I close my eyes.

 

When I close my eyes, I see a flickering light. I delve deeper into my thoughts and wonder, "God, are you there?" I focus, listen, and open my mind to the real presence of God.

 

I stay here as long as possible.

I stop and listen.

I keep my eyes closed.

I follow the prayer and ask God to be near.

After I’ve wrapped up my morning prayer pause, I immediately close my phone and open my journal and my Bible.

 

Dear Abba Lord God,

 

This is the way I address God. The Father-Lord name. It reminds me that I am beloved and daughter, and God is still Lord Almighty. If I only address God in one facet, I swing the pendulum. I need both these names, so I don’t lose half of who I am in relation to who God is in whole. Next, I use the Lord’s Prayer. Sometimes, I pray it silently or other times I scribble it down. These sacred words act as a guide in my journal and in my communion with God.

 

“Our Father, who art in Heaven”

 

It's amazing how a single sentence can give you all you need. It's like a truth serum for my mind and heart, a constant reminder of eternity, of heaven and earth, of God on His throne. I sip my coffee and take a moment to focus the eyes of my heart where God resides.

 

“Hallowed by your name.

Your Kingdom Come,

Your will be done.

On earth as it is in Heaven.”

 

I think Jesus might have taught us to pray this way because when left to ourselves we would make it all about us first instead of God. And when I start with the Lord’s prayer, every day I’m reminded that it’s about God first. His glory, His agenda, and His plan. And you might think this is silly, or all a bit obvious, which perhaps it might be. But I’m always surprised how each morning, between yesterday’s struggles, bills, heartache, work, kids, dinner, spouse, dog, blessings, driving, and sleep, my memory gets sucked up in the daily mayhem of life and I’ve all but forgotten. It’s not about my Kingdom come! I easily become the center of my own story but when I pause and read these holy words aloud, it humbles me and places me right where I need to be … in God’s story. I need to re-remember each morning the who, what, when, where, and why of God first.

 

“Give us this day our daily bread,

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

 

Here’s where I unload. I write all the things I need forgiveness for. Who I’ve been hurt by, who I’ve wronged, or who I’m struggling with. I present myself, with all my intentions and thoughts and ask the Holy Spirit to create in me a clean heart. I scribble down certain prayer requests like my life depended on it because I need some daily bread. I ask, petition, and beg. These are bold, brazen, and audacious prayer requests. I know God knows, but it is something different when you ask. Like having a goal but actually writing it down. It makes it more real. I’m seeking, asking, and knocking on the door, because that’s how Jesus taught us to pray.

 

I drink more coffee.

 

“For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever amen.”

 

I conclude by exalting the name of Jesus, giving Him glory, honor, and praise for who He is and what He has done! Typically, I jot down a few things I'm thankful for, ensuring I maintain a grateful attitude after noting my needs. This helps me maintain the right perspective for the day. I bless God and request a blessing in return.

 

The moment has arrived. I am prepared to receive and listen to God. I open my Bible to today's reading, feeling unexpectedly eager. Speak to me, Lord, your servant is listening. I read with passion, absorbing everything God has for me. I read, meditate, listen, pause, pray, and continue journaling. Time passes quickly. What began as dark, cold, and hesitant now transforms into something vibrant, warm, and complete.

 

Now, the kids are awake and the dog needs to go out. I can see the light cascading through the windows. My heart and mind are filled with truth and grace. The goodness of God fills this place. And I’m more prepared for my day … with the armor of God and His Word in my heart.


 

1.) Barbara Brown Taylor: An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith, 2009. HarperCollins, p.181.

2.) The Lord's Prayer: Matthew 6:9-13; Luke 11:1-4

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